You know you loved her deeply
you know you cannot live without her
till death would you only willingly part
you know you have dedicated your entire life to her
you know she meant everything to you
you appreciate the things she had done
what she had brought into your life
deep in your heart you know
despite her shortcomings,
she's a million times better than most
Why didn't you let her know
why didn't you shower her with your love
and affection every single day, every single moment
why, oh why?
You don't really miss someone so badly until she is actually gone.
Once she's gone you will suffer the pain as your heart breaks into a million pieces. You are overwhelmed with the pain of loneliness, as all your dreams fade away into oblivion.
There's only emptiness.
You would hope then, that it is just a bad dream.
You wished you can start over. Do things better.
Once she's gone you can cry a million tears, it'll make little difference, except to make you cry even more.
Pain will now take over other emotions. Your spine will weaken and you'd rather sit than stand.
Fear, anxiety overwhelm you.
The bitter taste in your mouth makes you despise food. Any food you touch will not be processed in the usual manner anyway. It'll be constant diarrhea.
It is the beginning of your bodily decay.
You will lose any and every sense of pleasure. Being alive itself hurts.
Nights will seem extra long, as you lay awake hoping and praying, and trying hard to find a reason to go on.
The sunrise and sunset mean little now, as days will not be glorious anymore.
Before long the weeds will be overgrown, and the vines will start to climb and strangle the trees, as the vines of depression starts to fix itself onto you, eating you away with a life of its own.
Why, oh God, why...
It is hopeless of course crying over spilled milk. You can only pray. And hope.
Take care of your loved ones.
You may think you are a smart ass. Or you may even actually be a smart ass. The brightest kid on the block. You may be rich. You may be the big boss in the office. You may work your butt out on a daily basis so your family can have everything.
But all those don't mean a thing without your love, and, more importantly, without you showing them in as many ways as you can that you love them dearly.
Please, please, please don't take those you love for granted.
They are not mind-readers. Some things just need to be shown and demonstrated. Do it. Don't learn the hard way. Don't wait until it is too late.
Happy New Year Mum
Where ever you are
I love you - before, now, and forever